


The thought of you only brings me pain

by Unknown_Karasu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, Hanahaki Disease, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:01:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27751246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unknown_Karasu/pseuds/Unknown_Karasu
Summary: Nishinoya had been having strange feelings for some while not knowing what they meant or who they were about. After finding out what his feelings meant his life changed and a life threatening disease came to make things worse.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	The thought of you only brings me pain

**Author's Note:**

> An OC of mine was used only for the purpose to get the story started, I hope you enjoy the story.

I never thought I would fall in love with you

Have you ever felt that there was something that you were forgetting? Like a feeling or thing? Almost as if it was there but you don’t know what it is? That’s how Nishinoya felt on a regular basis, it always annoyed him but after a while he got so used to the feeling he didn’t even realise it was there.

Have you ever felt that if a specific person was to leave you, you wouldn’t know what to do? Almost as if a part of your daily routine had been forgotten and not needed anymore? Nishinoya also felt this way, he was scared to admit it but the feeling was there. Who that feeling was for, he didn’t know.

It was another normal day when he finally realised who these feelings were for. It went a little something like this.

“Nishinoya-senpai!” Keirii shouted as she ran down the hallway to her favourite upperclassman. Turning around to see Keirii running towards him replied,

“Hey Chibi-chan,” ruffling her short hair once she reached him.

“I’m not that short!” Keirii replied pouting, “I’m as tall as you,” she continued crossing her arms. Nishinoya laughed, Keirii was one of his favourite underclassman, or in this case, underclasswoman. He loved how she hated being called short by others but continuously called herself short.

“Whatever you say Kei-chan,” Nishinoya said waving his hand as he walked away.

“Hey wait for me Nishinoya-senpai!” Keirii shouted after Nishinoya running to catch up, “So, Nishinoya-senpai I was wondering if you could help me with my receiving skills again?”

“You don’t need to continuously call me Nishinoya-senpai, call me Noya,” he said elbowing her in the side, “and of course I’ll help you, are you going to come watch us boys practise again tonight?"

“Yeah, I hope Daichi-senpai doesn’t mind, I’m only doing it to try and help the girl team,” Keirii said nervously looking at the ground, she was always nervous, Nishinoya thought it was cute, not only Noya but other boys too.

Nishinoya laughed after her words, “of course he doesn’t mind,” Nishinoya said ruffling her hair, “no need to be so nervous.”

“Watch the hair!” Keirii said swatting away his hands, “do you know how long it takes for me to make it look like this?” she asked with an annoyed look on her face.

“A couple of minutes?” Nishinoya said unsure.

“Well, yeah, but that’s not the point,” Keirii said still annoyed. Nishinoya loved how much of a tsundere she was. “I know it’s annoying me asking you to help me so much but I’m not that great of a libero and I want to be the best female libero ever, I’m nowhere near as good as you Nishinoya-senpia, I would never be able to beat you,” she continued fidgeting with the strap of her book bag.

“You’ll be amazing in no time don’t worry Kei-chan,” Noya said with a huge smile on his face, Kei-chan is a nickname Keirii only lets some people call her, Nishinoya being one of them.

“Oh,” Keirii said seeming to suddenly remember something catching Nishinoya’s attention, “you would not believe what I saw earlier,” she continued looking at Nishinoya with a stupid grin on her face.

“What?” Nishinoya asked, he was curious now.

“I saw Asahi-senpai being confessed to,” Keirri paused before continuing, wanting to see Nishinoya’s expression as she shipped Asahi and Nishinoya very hard, slightly disappointed after seeing Nishinoya’s expression not change she continued, “and it seems like he was accepting the confession, you might lose your third year best friend,”she said looking at the sky above, in the time the were talking they had made their way outside without either of them realising.

“Oh well,” Nishinoya said shrugging his shoulders, “I’m happy for him, he finally got himself a girl,” to others Nishinoya’s expression would have come off seeming like he meant what he just said but Keirii knew better, he was upset that he wouldn’t be able to hang out with Asahi as much anymore but didn’t realise it.

“Hm, I guess you’re right,” Keirii said still looking at the sky, “it’s just weird, I always thought of Asahi being gay,” those last few words shocked Nishinoya, he turned his head to look at Keirii with a shocked expression on his face, Asahi, gay?, he thought to himself, no way, he’s definitely straight, right? After seeing Nishinoya’s reaction Keirii knew she had gotten to the short second year next to her. Keirii laughed, and saw Kageyama and Hinata eating lunch together. “Hinata!” Keirii said excitedly once she saw the short orange haired spiker.

“Kei-chan!” Hinata said with the same level of excitement, “what are you doing here?” he said tilting his head to the side a little.

“I was going to practise my libero skills with Nishinoya-senpai,” Keirii said walking over to Hinata.

“Mabey Hinata could join, his receives suck,” Kageyama said taking a sip of his milk.

“Hey!” Hinata yelled at Kageyama, “they’re not that bad!”

“Uh-huh, sure,” Kageyama said sarcastically.

“Meany,” Hinata said looking away and crossing his arms. Keirii looked back behind her to see Nishinoya with a look on his face that was hard to describe.

“Noya-senpai?” Keirii asked to get her short senpai’s attention, “are you ok?”

“Mhm,” Noya said nodding, “do you really think he accepted it?”Noya said looking Keirii in the eyes dead serious.

“I mean, I don’t know he was smiling and laughing a lot, I didn’t get to see all of it though, my friends distracted me and by the time I looked back Asahi was gone,” she said looking around before locking eyes with Noya again, she wasn’t sure what his reaction would be to that but his face seemed to light up a little.

“So that means that he could have decline it as well?” Noya said almost excitedly.

“I mean I guess,” Keirii said shrugging, she knew Nishinoya liked Asahi but wasn’t aware of his feelings yet.

“Cool! So I can still hangout with him a lot then,” Nsihinoya said a little too happy.

“Hello Daichi-senpai, I hope you don’t mind me watching you guys practise today,” Keirii said as she walked into the gym followed by Nishinoya.

“I told you that he wouldn’t mind already stupid,” Nishinoya said laughing tapping Keirii on the head.

“Yeah, I don’t mind,” Daichi said, “you can go sit over there with the girls,” he continued waving over to the bench were Yachi and Kiyoko sat.

“Ok Daichi-san,” Keirii said smiling then walked over to the bench.

Training went as usual, with Tanaka giving Nishinoya a weird look then glancing at Keirii then back at Nishinoya. Asahi seemed happier than usual which the other third years picked up on.

At the end of practice tanaka walked over to his best friend and gave him a pat on the shoulder. “So you finally got a girl, huh?” at these words both Keirii and Nishinoya were confused, but Keirii understood what Tanaka was saying and started laughing.

“Me- him- us-” Keirii tried saying between her laughs but she couldn’t manage to say anything that made complete sense before laughs took over again. Tanaka looked confused he looked between the two if them again before saying,

“But I thought, the rumors…” his voice trailed off still looking between the two.

“Rumors?” Nishinoya said confused, “what rumors?”

“Oh you know the rumors about the two of you dating, I guess it’s not true though,” Tanaka said looking down ashamed he assumed such a thing.

“Me and Kei-chan? No way, besides I l-” Nishinoya cut himself off, a wave of realisation covering his face, “oh my god, I just realised something,” Nishinoya covered his mouth and soon after tears started to make their way down his face. Tanaka seemed scared like he said something wrong to trigger this and Asahi saw Nishinoya crying.

“Nishinoya are you ok?” Asahi asked running over to comfort his friend.

“I-I need to talk to Sugawara and Keirii,” Nishinoya managed to say through sobs, “privately,” he finished after seeing no reaction from the two people surrounding him.

“Oh, okay,” Asahi said backing away, “uh, Suga! Nishinoya needs you!” he yelled across the gym, Keirii stood up hesitant to make a sudden move unsure of what was going on. Suga came over and immediately started to comfort Nishinoya. Patting his back Suga lead the crying second year outside, Keirii following shortly after.

The night air was refreshing after being in the gym so long playing volleyball. Even though Sugawara was trying his best to comfort Nishinoya without knowing what was going on, Nishinoya couldn’t stop the tears from coming out of his eyes. The two boys walked quietly to the club room, hoping to use it as a private place to talk. Luckily when they got there it was empty so they didn’t have to kick anyone out. After Keirii walked into the club room, Sugawara locked the door and turned around to Nishinoya with a serious look on his face.

“What’s going on? Why are you crying Nishinoya?” Suga said, you could tell Sugawara was concerned by his voice although he wasn’t letting his face show it.

“I-I,” Nishinoya started trying to find the right words to say through his tears, “I realised I was in love with someone and that it was pointless to feel this way,” he managed to say through his tears which didn’t seem to be slowing down.

“Y-you’re in love?” Suga said, the answer had thrown him aback, this was the one thing he wasn’t ready for, “who with?” he asked, “if you don’t mind telling me,” he said trying to make it seem he wasn’t forcing an answer from Nishinoya.

“It’s Asahi, isn’t it?” Keirii said after a long silence filled only with the sounds of Nishinoya’s occasional sniffle.

“Y-yeah,” Nishinoya said looking at the ground, to embarrassed to look at the others in the eyes.

“Asahi?” Suga said almost alarmed he looked between Keirii and Nishinoya, “but I thought-, why would it be pointless to love Asahi?”

“B-because he,” Nishinoya swallowed, it was obvious this was hard for him, “he probably is dating a super nice girl right now,” Nishinoya said, not looking up from the ground, “someone I could never be,” he continued which only made the tears worse.

“Asahi is dating someone!?” this was obviously news to Sugawara, he looked confused and thought for a few seconds before continuing, “when did this happen?”

“I saw him being confessed to today at lunch from a hallway window,” Keirii said guiltily, “I didn’t see the end of it but it seemed like it went well, I told Noya a little later when I saw him,” Keirii didn’t want to look at Sugawara scared of what he would do to her.

“So it’s not confirmed that he is dating someone?” Sugawara asked calming down. Keirii nodded and Suga let out a breath of relief, “thank God. So Nishinoya, why are you so afraid of the feelings you have for Asahi?” Suga asked turning his attention back to the short libero. Nishinoya was silent for a while, almost like he had something he didn’t want to admit.

“It’s just a feeling,” he said shrugging, “I guess I could be wrong,” he finished still not looking up from the ground.

“Well if we are done here, I think we should open the door for the rest of the team to get their stuff,”

“Right,” Nishinoya said wiping away his tears, they had seemed to stop but his face said that he was still upset. Suga turned and unlocked the door,opening it to see if the team was there waiting and sure enough they were.

“You didn’t hear anything did you?” Suga said looking at Daichi.

“Nope, we just got here,” Daichi responded.

“Ok, good,” Suga turned to the other two in the room, “what was said in here stays in here, ok?”

“Yep, got it,” Keirii said a little fast, wanting to get out of the awkward situation, “I’ll be going now, thank you Daichi for letting me watch you practise I’ll see you guys next week,” Keirii bowed at Daichi then quickly walked from the room.

That night Nishinoya sat on the edge of his bed, too scared to close his eyes and sleep but not wanting to do anything. Nishinoya suddenly felt like he was going to throw up and ran to the bath room, turning the light on rushing to the toilet. Nishinoya started coughing, nothing coming out. He thought he was fine until a purple lilac petal fell from his mouth. “The fu-” Nishinoya started confused, looking back at the flower petal in the toilet bowl realisation grew over him for the second time that day. “H-hanahaki disease?” Nishinoya became terrified, he knew what happened with Hanahaki disease, he didn’t want to go through the pain that his love for the Karasuno ace brought him. Nishinoya started to cry, why did I have to love you?, he thought to himself, you’ll never love me back, but I don’t think I’ll be able to ever stop loving you. Nishinoya stayed in the bathroom crying on the cold tiles for what seemed like hours. Eventually Nishinoya became tired and went back to his room to sleep.

That night Nishinoya's dreams were filled with memories of him and Asahi which only made Nishinoya wake up to tears coming out of his eyes. Nishinoya was glad that it was a saturday that way he wouldn’t have to face Asahi with his newfound feelings. Nishinoya grabbed his phone and started to do research on Hanahaki disease. Sure Nishinoya already knew about the disease but only to a small extent, the disease was still unknown to most and finding information wasn’t easy. After reading several articles Nishinoya discovered that the flowers that were coughed up meant something about the love he felt and that the surgery to remove the vines around his lungs had the rare possibility to make the person forget about their feelings for the person making them feel this way making it almost like looking at a stranger, and in rarer cases making them forget about the person entirely. Nishinoya didn’t want to forget about Asahi and all of their amazing times together, he just wanted Asahi to love him back.

Nishinoya realised he had unread messages from Asahi, unwilling to read them Nishinoya tapped the notification to see what they said.

Asahi:  
Hey Noya I just wanted to make sure you were ok.

Asahi:  
I don’t know why you started crying after practise yesterday but I’m here if you want to talk.

Asahi:  
There is some news I want to tell you about. I, uh, I have a girlfriend now.

There were more messages after that one but after reading the last sentence Nishinoya turned off his phone and threw it across the room. He didn’t want to know her name, what she looked like, what year level she was in, nothing, he wanted to know nothing about her. Nishinoya sat there on his bed tears filling his eyes once again, somehow this was worse than rejection. Nishinoya decided to grab one of Asahi’s jumpers that he still had and put it on, not because he was cold but because he wanted it to seem like Asahi was there with him comforting him in his misery.

The next two days passed with Nishinoya still coughing up the purple lilac petals which symbolised first love. Damn it, Nishinoya thought to himself angrily, why did my first love have to be with someone who didn’t love me back? Nishinoya had to find a way to hide his feelings from Asahi and the team as well as his Hanahaki disease.

Nishinoya tried to stay as energetic as he normally was at practise but it was hard. The team seemed to pick up on it, as well as the tear marks on his face from him crying himself to sleep the night before.

“Nishinoya?” a voiced asked, Nishinoya looked around to see Hinata standing in front of him with a worried look on his face. Who knew the super happy first year could have such an expression on his face. “Are you ok Nishinoya senpai? You seem different from usual,” Hinata continued after not receiving a response.

“I’m ok Hinata, don’t worry, just tired,” Nishinoya said trying to sound like his usual energetic self.

“Ok,” Hinata said, still unsure about Nishinoya and if he believed him but went back to practising his quick attack with Kageyama.

After practise Sugawara pulled Nishinoya aside still remembering what happened the week before, assuming that was what was changing Nishinoya.

“Nishinoya are you alright? You seem,” Sugawara paused, “different. If it’s about last week I-”

“It’s fine,” Nishinoya said bluntly, “I just didn’t sleep well last night, I stayed up too late watching sad movies,”

“Ok, if you say so,” Sugawara said, still concerned but trying to believe that everything really was fine.

A few weeks went by Nishinoya’s condition wasn’t getting any better. The purple lilac petals turning into full flowers which turned into white lilac petals. Nishinoya was trying his best to hide his disease from everyone, although it wasn’t an easy task. Sometimes during class he would have to suddenly run to the bathroom to cough up some flowers to avoid exposing his secret to his class. One time during practise Nishinoya had to run out to cough up some flowers, forgetting Tanaka was in the bathroom, Nishinoya just coughed up the flowers in the sink. Tanaka walked out of the stall to see his best friend coughing up a bunch of flowers, it scared him to the core to see his best friend with a life threatening disease. He stood in shock for a bit until Nishinoya was about to walk out.

“Nishinoya!” Tanaka called out, making Nishinoya flinch. Nishinoya turned around and saw Tanaka with tears running down his face. “Y-you should have told me,” he said between chocked tears. Seeing Tanaka like this made Nishinoya feel worse about not telling him anything, Nishinoya walked over to give him a hug. Tanaka hugged him back and cried into the shorties shoulder. “Wh-who is it?” he asked surprising Nishinoya.

“Uh, that’s not important,” Nishinoya said looking at the floor. He didn’t want to tell Tanaka it was Asahi as his girlfriend had been coming to trainings recently and they always hung out together. Tanaka looked Nishinoya in the eyes, his face telling Nishinoya he was dead serious.

“Nishinoya, who is it,” he said, strangely calm. Nishinoya knew Tanaka didn’t want to know to make sure it wasn’t him but to help Nishinoya get through what was going on.

“Asahi,” Nishinoya mumbled. When he said the name it felt as if his heart broke more than it already had and his lungs seemed to tighten making it harder to breathe. Tanaka’s eyes widened, he was surprised at the fact that his best friend was gay and even more suprised that he felt this way towards Asahi.

“I-I didn’t know you were gay,” Tanaka said quietly.

“Me neither until you told me about the rumor that Keirii and I were dating,” Nishinoya responded quietly, almost a whisper.

“That’s what that was about?” Tanaka seemed to be a little relieved to hear it wasn’t something he said that made Nishinoya start crying.

“Yeah,” the two boys were talking quietly, like they were whispering about a secret.

“Wow,” Tanaka said leaning against the wall, “I never thought….” his voiced trailed off.

“What? That I would fall in love with Asahi?”

“No, that he wouldn't love you back and that he would fall in love with a girl.”

“Well I guess we both thought wrong, huh?” Nishinoya said standing next to Tanaka, neither of them wanted to go back to training, not with what just happened. 

Tanaka laughed, “Yeah, I guess so,” Tanaka sighed and started walking to the door, “we should head back to training, the others might think something is up,” he said smiling back at Nishinoya, “you might want to clean up the flowers first though,” he said before walking out of the bathroom.

“Nishinoya,” Asahi called when Nishinoya walked into the gym, “you want to practise receiving some of my spikes? Suga’s going to set for me,” he said smiling. God, why did you have to smile? Nishinoya thought. “Uh, yeah sure why not?” Nishinoya said walking to the other side of the net.

Nishinoya wasn’t getting any better but he wasn’t alone now, Tanaka would often come over to Nishinoya’s house to help him forget about the disease.

One day when Nishinoya was in the bathroom Tsukishima walked in and saw him coughing up flowers, gripping the sides of the sink so hard his knuckles were white. Tsukishima sighed and walked out of the bathroom, no one came in for the rest of lunch and when Nishinoya walked out he saw Tsukishima standing outside the bathroom.

“This doesn’t mean anything,” Tsukishima said turning away, “don’t tell anyone about me and I won’t tell about you,” Tsukishima walked down the hallway and out of view. 

Nishinoya knew the way he was going about this wasn’t the right way, he needed Asahi to love him but how could e expect that to happen if they barely talked. Nishinoya decided to find Asahi and talk to him like they used to do before all of this happened.

“Hi Asahi,” Nishinoya called out on the rooftop when he saw the ace with his girlfriend, “and, uh, sorry I don’t know your name,” Nishinoya said apologetically to Asahi’s girlfriend.

“Nishinoya,” she said looking up at him, “I’m assuming that you want to hang out with Asahi right? I’ll leave so you can do so, you gave us enough time to hangout together, I’m grateful,”

“Uh, your welcome?” Nishinoya wasn’t sure how to respond to that but sat down next to Asahi once she left.

“So you decided to finally hang out with me again?” Asahi said looking at Nishinoya, this was the first time they hung out like this for what seemed like ages.

“Yeah, sorry,” Nishinoya said not daring to look at Asahi.

“It’s fine I guess, I did miss you though,”

“I missed you too,” an awkward silence filled the air between the two of them, “soooo, how are things with your girlfriend?”

“It’s going good I guess, just kinda feel like I shouldn’t have accepted the confession,”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, just a feeling I guess,”

Nishinoya and Asahi spent the rest of lunch together laughing and smiling, joking about stupid things the other has done. It was the happiest Nishinoya had been in ever since he got this stupid disease. Near the end of lunch Nishinoya felt the flowers tingling his throat, he couldn't exactly stop the coughing that came after either, he tried to hide it from Asahi but when a new flower came out there was a small bit of blood too.

“Nishinoya?” Asahi asked concerned, “are you ok?”

“Totally fine,” Nishinoya said hiding his hands.

“That sounded like a nasty cough, I could bring you some medicine and soup to your house after school today if you want me too.”

“That would be great Asahi, these coughs are really starting to hurt my throat,” Nishinoya said smiling, he didn’t want Asahi to know about his disease but he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hide it for.

When Nishinoya got home he saw his mother waiting for him, tear stains on her face.

“Mum are you ok?” Nishinoya asked, it was rare for his mother to cry like this.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she said through tears.

“Tell you wh-” Nishinoya started, then realised she was talking about the disease, “you saw the flowers didn’t you?”

“Mhm, I was cleaning your room and there was a whole bunch in the trash can,”

“I’m sorry mum, I was embarrassed,”

Nishinoya didn’t know how much longer he would last, breathing became harder and more painful, he was coughing flowers up a whole lot more, and his throat was always dry no matter what medicine he took. Now when he coughed the flowers were covered with blood, he couldn’t even see the colours anymore. Nishinoya decided to write a letter to Asahi explaining everything, out of everyone who didn’t know he deserved to know the most. As Nishinoya wrote the letter his mind was flooded with memories of his times with Asahi, the good and bad ones, making it even harder for him to breath, his heart shattering into a million pieces again and again, tears fell down Nishinoya’s face knot the letter smudging some of the words.

“Nishinoya, I know you don’t want to but you’re getting the surgery,” his mother said when he finished writing the letter, “I don’t want my baby boy to die over some guy not loving him back,” she said on the verge of tears.

“Ok mum, I’ll tell the team I won’t be able to play for a while then,” Nishinoya said reaching for his phone which was covered in cracks from the time he threw it across the room. Nishinoya was about to text the group chat but didn’t know what to say. Instead he messaged Tanaka privately letting him know the situation. After writing the text Nishinoya sighed and stood up which took a lot more effort than it should have needed. “Alright mum let’s go,” Nishinoya said once he reached his mother. Nishinoya heard Tanaka reply to his message, not wanting to cry any more than he already had, he didn’t read it.

Nishinoya anxiously waited for the doctor to call his name from the waiting room, he wanted the surgery, he wanted the pain gone but at the same time he didn’t want to risk the chance of forgetting Asahi. “Nishinoya Yuu?” a doctor called out. Nishinoya stood up at the sound of his name, this was it, he was going to do the only thing he could to stay alive and not die of heartbreak, literally. Nishinoya slowly walked over to the doctor, prolonging the inevitable. I’m sorry Asahi, I might forget you, sorry for not telling you anything, you should have found out any other way then a stupid tear soaked confession letter, Nishinoya thought to himself blinking tears away. “You’re worried you’ll forget the person you’re in love with right?” the doctor asked bringing Nishinoya back to reality.

“Uh, yeah, I guess you could say that,” Nishinoya said looking at the ground.

“Honestly, it doesn’t hurt you since you don’t remember anything about them but it’ll most likely hurt them if they are a close friend,” the doctor said, “you kind of feel like there is something missing for a while, that’s all.”

“Yeah, well, we’re on the same volleyball team,” Nishinoya said still looking at the ground.

“It’ll be fine, you’ll get to make a new friendship right?”

“Yeah,”

Hours later the surgery was finally finished. Nishinoya wasn’t awake yet but he was breathing normally for the first time in weeks.

“The surgery went well, if everything stays the same he’ll remember the person he loved but we won’t know until he wakes up,” the doctor told Nishinoya’s mother.

“Thank you doctor,” Nishinoya’s mother says with a bow.

“Miss Nishinoya,” Sugawara said when he saw her, “we heard about Nishinoya needing surgery for something,”

“Is he ok?” Asahi said with a high sense of urgency shocking his team mates and Nishinoya’s mother.

“He’ll be ok,” Nishinoya’s mother said looking at the team of boys in front of her.

“Thank god, I don’t know what- I’m glad he’s ok,” Asahi said with a relieved sigh and smile on his face.

“If I didn’t know any better I would say you were his boyfriend,” Nishinoya’s mother said looking at Asahi which only brought a super red Asahi and a whole bunch of laughter from the team, “of course I know exactly what happened, he told me to give you this Asahi,” Nishinoya’s mother held out the letter Nishinoya had written before he left for the surgery.

“Wh-?” Asahi started looking at the letter in his hands.

“I would recommend reading it somewhere more private,” Nishinoya’s mother said.

"It looks like he woke up," Sugawara said looking into Nishinoya's room.

"Alright," Nishinoya's mother said clapping her hands together, "who wants to see him first?"

"I think Asahi should see him first," Tanaka said, "it only makes sense."

"I agree," Sugawara said placing his hands on his hips, "it should be Asahi."

“Alright, Asahi, in you go,” Nishinoya said waving him into the room, “the rest of you should wait out here,” she continued turning to the rest of the boys.

“Wait why should Asahi see Nishinoya first?” Hinata asked, “we’re all worried about him the same,”

“I’ll fill you in Hinata,” Tanaka said awfully calm, “I’ll tell all of you, I’m sure Nishinoya wouldn’t mind.”

Asahi was nervous to walk into the room for some reason, probably because he had only just realised his feelings for Nishinoya and didn’t know how to face him. Asahi took a deep breath before walking into the room smiling at Nishinoya.

“Hey,” he said quietly, not wanting to scare Nishinoya too much.

“Hello?” Nishinoya said a confused look on his face.

“How are you? I heard you had surgery,” Asahi said walking over to sit beside the short second year.

“I’m alright, I feel like I can breath again,” Nishinoya said, “recently it had been really hard to,” he continued smiling at the stranger in his room.

“That’s good, look Nishinoya I-”

“How do you know my name?” Nishinoya asked, confusion finally showing on his face.

“Huh?” Asahi said confused, “is this some kind of prank Noya?”

“No, who are you?”

“It’s me, Asahi,” Asahi said worry growing over his face, Did the person he only just realised he loved not remember him?

“I don’t know an Asahi,” Nsihinoya said slowly, “is my mother out there? I want to go home.”

“Y-yeah your mother is out there with the team,” Asahi said holding back his tears.

“Could you get her for me?”

“She wanted to talk to the team about something,” Asahi lied.

“Oh, ok,” Nishinoya said looking down into his lap, out of the corner of his eye Nishinoya saw the envelope that Asahi was holding, “what’s that?” Nishinoya asked pointing at it.

“Oh, this is a letter you wrote me,” Asahi said, “I haven’t read it yet, should I read it?”

“Yeah!” Nishinoya said, “you should see what I wrote,”

“Alright, if you say so,” Asahi said slowly opening the envelope. Nishinoya watched with interest, he remembered Asahi and his feelings but he wanted to ignore them and pretend the surgery made him forget about his first love. Asahi grabbed the folded up piece of paper and unfolded it, “looks like you were crying when you wrote this,” Asahi joked forgetting Nishinoya didn’t remember him. The letter read,

Dear Asahi,  
I don’t know how I should put this, you’re probably reading this after my surgery. You must be wondering what the surgery was for right? Well I had Hanahaki disease and I needed to remove the vines that trapped my lungs, making it incredibly difficult for me to breath. I’m ok now, I think, I don’t know how the surgery went, I can only hope it went well. Now you’re probably wondering who couldn’t possibly love me that I loved causing Hanahaki disease. The answer to that question is the person reading this letter, you. I don’t want you to feel like my condition was your fault, I loved you and you didn’t love me back, it’s no ones fault. You’re happy with your girlfriend and I didn’t want to ruin that by telling you about any of this, I’m sorry you had to find out about my feelings through a stupid letter but I don’t think I would ever be able to say them out loud. I hope you remain happy with your girlfriend, don’t let me get in your way of a happy relationship. There is a possibility that the surgery may remove my feelings for you, it’s rare but possible, it’s also possible for me to completely forget you, if that’s the case, forget this letter and build a new friendship with me before you graduate, maybe we’ll fall in love with each other on the way. I never thought I would love you, Asahi, and for a while now the thought of your name brought me pain and made it harder for me to breath, even now writing this letter to you. When you first told me about your girlfriend I started crying and threw my phone across the room, I had found out about my disease two days before, the Friday night of that training where I suddenly started crying. I love you Asahi, I think I always have and if this wasn’t the case, I think I always will. I’m sorry Asahi, but you might have to live without me as well.

Nishinoya watched Asahi read the letter with interest, as Asahi read the letter tears fell out of his eyes making the paper more tear stained than it already was.

“Are you ok?” Nishinoya asked, pretending not to remember what he wrote in the letter.

“Can- can I hug you?” Asahi said through sobs.

“Y-yeah,” Nishinoya said opening his arms for Asahi. The two of them stayed like that for a while before Asahi broke the silence.

“You know, I only recently realised my feelings for you,” he said crying into Nishinoya’s shoulder, “and by recently I mean today, I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday, I love you so much Noya, I want to try my best to make you remember me and have you fall in love with me so we can be together,” he continued which only resulted in Nishinoya having tears fall out of his eyes, why did you have to love me back now? Nishinoya thought, why not earlier? Why not at all? You’re only making it harder for me to forget.

Months passed, during that time Nishinoya had a new found friendship with Asahi, it was different from before, if Asahi still loved him, Nishinoya didn’t know but now he wished he really did forget about Asahi, because these feelings he has in his heart aren’t the same either. It’s still scarred from all of the pain that the name Asahi brought it when he was dying, it still remembered all the tears shed because he didn’t love him back, the love Nishinoya felt for Asahi was full of holes, Nishinoya wasn’t even sure if he loved Asahi anymore.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------The End---------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note:**

> Who Asahi's girlfriend was we'll never know. Thank you for reading my story!


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